i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
