Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
