I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
