Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
