Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
