dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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