Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
