So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
