it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize