And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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