My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
