your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
