I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
