I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am available for nakedness
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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