I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
