whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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