Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
