sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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