I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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