seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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