If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i think im in europe. pls send help
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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