Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
