I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
