she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
