You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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