He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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