Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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