I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
