considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
