Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
