im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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