i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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