I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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