I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
