remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
