Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
