better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
