just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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