WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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