I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize