i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Randomize
