just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
