Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
