if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
