planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
