i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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