One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
