She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
