so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
