Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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