I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Never underestimate the power of titties
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
