I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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