seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
