im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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