Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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