In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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