I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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