If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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