white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
